A missed friendship, something I regret

This past weekend I attended the wedding of one of my nephews. The wedding was held near the area of my youth. When I get that close to 'home,' I always find it interesting who or what might rise to the surface that takes me by surprise. This time it was connecting with an old foe at the wedding, and a lament that I can't shake. 

I was seated at a table talking with my brother-in-law when my dad approached and asked if I remembered a certain guy who was my same age who went to another school in the county? I said, sure I remember the name. Then my dad said, "he's here, let me make an introduction."

Before I knew it, there we were, two guys who had competed against one another 30+ years ago on several fields of sport, talking about life, our families, and the things that have transpired over those 30 years. 

When we were younger I can't remember ever having had a conversation off the field. I knew the names of our opponents, their faces, what school they went to. Maybe, we'd run into one another at the county fair, or an FFA event, but generally our schools, at least the way I experienced it, was something like a closed community. We talked within our community, and competed with those around us. Conversations were limited; competition was prized. Friendship was within the tribe who wore your colors; it had little extension beyond the clan. 

Many moons later, I find myself lamenting the parochial approach that I assented to as a teenager. The pride I felt for the particular place I was from, and the little school I went to, often kept me from seeing and connecting with others who also shared the same neighborhood. We shared so many of the same experiences, yet a tribalism persisted that walled us off from developing healthy competition that could build wider bonds of friendship that would be generative for the whole community. I'm not even sure that the tribalism was favored or curried among the adults, or even shared by anyone else; I just know it was deep in my own heart. 

I left the wedding, grateful that a couple of guys who used to be foes could connect and talk about the marvelous dimensions of life that have transpired over the past 30 years. I also felt a real sadness, as if there wasn't just one, but many missed friendships along the way, because I lived with a heart and mind that had boundaries where there could have been joyous exploration. 

On further reflection, I'm really grateful for the work of God's grace in my own life. God's grace in the past 30 years has begun to pry open my heart to observe and celebrate the manifold image of God imparted in every person; which makes everyone incredibly interesting. This deeper interest makes it hard for me to depart conversations; a real thorn in the flesh of my kids, but it has helped me see how grand and brilliance is the creation of God.